What a joy it will be to wake up Wednesday knowing that the longest campaign in history is finally over – and with it news coverage that for many of us has become about as interesting and essential as a backed-up toilet. If I didn’t have to stay on top of this stuff in order to write about it knowledgeably, I’d tune it out completely and spend my time immersed in masterpieces of modern fiction that I’ve wanted to revisit since college: The Magic Mountain; In Search of Lost Time; The Snows of Kilimanjaro; How It Is; Tender Is the Night; Pale Fire; The Sound and the Fury. Alas, if I am going to continue to pay the bills, one leg will have to remain at least knee-deep in the tiresome, wretched muck of politics.
At the moment, the top Google headline is a good indication of how desperate the newsmongers are to bring us yet one last gasp of “news” about the election at the eleventh hour: “Votes of Independents Could Be Key”. Um, well, yes, I hadn’t thought about that. A fresh angle! Yeah, about as fresh as a rodent that has curled up and died behind your living room wall. The news media never tire of telling us things we’ve either heard a hundred times before or that we never needed to hear in the first place. Such as: Tips for Swimming in Shark Infested Waters. “Are you ready for the first “do”? nightclub comedian Lenny Bruce used to ask. “Get out of the water!” “And here’s tip number two: Try to ward off the shark with some object. “Yeah,” quipped Bruce: “Like the stump of the other leg the shark didn’t get.”
Annoying Headlines
For those who have completely had it with campaign coverage, Google has a tool that supposedly allows one to personalize one’s home page in order to eliminate certain news topics altogether. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work as advertised. Although users can drag and drop whole categories of news into a trash can, election stories, if no others that have been blocked, just keep on coming. The result is that annoying political headlines are as hard to suppress as pus from a gangrenous wound. So, what is the annoying, top-of-the-page headline at this very moment? This grabber, from CNN International: “Inside the Polls: Voters Evenly Divided on Most Questions”. Zzzzzzzzzzzz.
Fortunately, one G-News tool that does work is a slide control that can reduce or increase the amount of news one receives from a specific source. The choices are: “Often,” “Sometimes,” “Rarely,” and “Never”. Thus, if you want to choke off all stories from, say, Salon or The Daily Beast, you simply slide the thingie to “Never” and — presto! – you’ll never have to suffer another word from either of those execrable publications.
My Media Hit-List
Since early summer, when the news media began to vigorously masturbate itself to today’s climax, I have been deleting each and every news source that offended or annoyed me — usually with a bias designed to either boost Obama’s odds or diminish Romney’s. In some cases, I excised a news source because of what it failed to report – i.e., the increasingly scandalous details concerning Benghazi. Others simply got in my face one time too many with the latest, lying, cheating, utterly meaningless poll of, as far as one could tell, village idiots who change their tiny, Jerry Springer-imbibing minds twice a day. With the election soon to be over and done with, it will be good riddance to them all. For those who are interested, here are the news publications I’ve blacked out: The Christian Science Monitor; NBCNews.com; New York Daily News (I’ll miss their terrific headlines, though); People Magazine (not for sucking up to Obama, but for delivering a steady stream of bilge about Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, the Kardashians and other Hollywood excrement. I’d have provided a video link for readers who don’t know how Kim Kardashian got famous, but this is a family newsletter); The Washington Post; Huffington Post; Businessweek; Time, Newsweek; Los Angeles Times; CBS News; CNN; New York Magazine; Mother Jones; Metro Weekly; ABC News; NewsDay; NPR; The Atlantic; Boston.com; Detroit Free Press; USA Today; U.S. News & World Report; Associated Press; Reuters; The New York Times; San Jose Mercury News; National Journal; Boston Herald; Philadelphia Inquirer; Chicago Tribune; Chicago Sun-Times; The Guardian; Daily Beast; Latinos Post; The Hill; Terra.com; Lez Get Real; Washington Times; Forbes.
After the election, I’ll probably reinstate some of them, particularly if they are having to eat crow come Wednesday. If it is I who am eating crow, then Fitzgerald, Mann, Faulkner, Beckett, Hemingway et al. are about to regain the biggest share of my reading time; them and The Onion — quite possibly, and by default, “America’s Finest News Source”.
***
[Click here for a free trial subscription to Rick’s Picks that includes access to a 24/7 chat room and the recently launched ‘Harry’s Place’.]
Hi Rick,
I recall you cheered for McCain last time, with dire warnings. We are muddling along, and we will muddle along for another 4 years.
Will the GOP wake up and stop expelling liberty lovers? This time it was Ron Paul, and I understand your wife got on board the liberty train. Me too … as a full voting delegate on the floor of the RNC in Tampa. I saw what they did. Liars and cheaters pushed us away. It was obvious they needed our enthusiasm and GOTV to win, so I conclude the ten fat men in the back room who decided the text of the teleprompter didn’t want to win.
RP Delegate 2012